This post is a part of The COVID-Chronicles series. This series is dedicated to giving voice to graduate student experiences and needs during the course of the pandemic. It is a space for graduate students to come together, to share, to listen, to reflect, to empathize, to lament, and to learn from one another. We hope that faculty and administrators will listen to and engage in dialogue with graduate students, and act in ways to help support the graduate student community.
If you are like me, a special event means planning what time to leave to arrive early. You might consider good standing shoes. You would want to ensure finding a decent parking spot, dropping off your coat somewhere, and using the restroom beforehand. You want to walk into the room feeling clear minded and in control. When you are defending your dissertation during a pandemic, none of this applies. Your shoes do not matter. You do not get to prepare in your usual way. No one smiles and wishes you good luck. This was my recent experience as I defended my dissertation entitled “Knowledge Beyond Belief.”
During the defense I could not rely on body language. I was exceptionally self-conscious throughout. For example, I felt like I had to exaggerate my nodding to show that I agreed or understood what my committee was saying. Subtle gestures and body language are lost when conversing over Zoom.
Mostly, you feel like you’re talking to no one. If you display a PowerPoint by using Zoom’s “screen share” option, you will likely see only the PowerPoint and not the audience. It feels like you are simply practicing your presentation before the real show. You might hear your advisor starting to talk, and there is a sudden wake-up call: “oh, this is my dissertation defense.”
I lost Internet connection during the Q & A period of my defense, and I had to quickly reconnect to the meeting. This was nerve-wracking, but it went well enough. I felt much less comfortable than I would have in person. In person, no one accidentally falls out of the room or starts talking without making a sound because they’re accidentally on mute. I would have preferred being in the same room with my committee and audience, even if six or more feet away from each other.
The worst part was the moment after the defense was over. I clicked “leave meeting” on Zoom, and all the commotion and congratulations were immediately over. I found myself just sitting in my room. It was an abrupt and unanticipated change of mood. No slow walks out of the building together, and no post-defense chat with your committee or colleagues before going home. There were no supportive hugs and smiles beforehand, and no congratulatory high-fives or handshakes afterwards. And on my side of the screen, I was alone, with a PhD.
Sahar Joakim
Sahar Joakim received her B.A. in Philosophy from UCLA in 2014 and her Ph.D. in Philosophy from St. Louis University in 2020. Dr. Joakim has been a philosophy professor at St. Louis Community College since 2021 where she teaches philosophy, ethics, logic, and religion. Her research is in epistemology, specifically arguing that knowledge does not entail belief.
Thanks for writing such an information blog which will surely be a great help for the students as well as the institutions.
Wouldn’t it be great if we could avoid all the drama associated with social media? What if you could prevent yourself from getting sucked into arguments with people you don’t know or care about and keep your online interactions as positive and productive as possible?