Kristina Dukoski is an undergraduate philosophy student at the University of Toronto Scarborough. She has experience as a teaching assistant in both introductory philosophy and introductory ethics courses. She hopes to acquire more teaching experience in the upcoming year before beginning her graduate studies.
What do you believe self-love is?
I think that self-love boils down to two features one can have towards themselves: first, the self-lover accepts themselves as they are, and subsequently as they were, because who they are is, in-part, shaped by who they were; and second, in agreement with Aristotle’s sentiments in the Nicomachean Ethics, the self-lover wishes to promote their well-being and perpetuate their flourishing. Accordingly, they do things that help to fulfill these wishes. The second feature requires the self-lover to be reflective, as in order for them to act in such a way that promotes their wellbeing, they must reflect on their past actions in order to determine which of them successfully promoted their wellbeing and which worked against the promotion of their wellbeing.
All that being said, the self-lover may recognize that they have shortcomings and have mistaken in the past, but they do not denigrate themselves for such things: they accept them, take responsibility, see that they are not conducive to fulfilling their wish to promote their wellbeing or flourishing, and use that knowledge to comport themselves differently in the future. This might be reminiscent of what I said about regret, but the key difference is that, for self-love, acceptance and forgiveness are the key features as opposed to lessons learned.
How does philosophy help you to define self-love?
Well, evidently, Aristotle inspires me a great deal when it comes to this topic; however, philosophy is — at least partly — characterized by the process of discovering different ways to conceptualize and analyze ideas. In that sense, it helps me define self-love because the act of loving one’s self requires one to have this same propensity towards themselves. When one loves themselves, they recognize and accept all that they have been and all that they are and use this acceptance as a basis to shape all that they will be. Akin to how a philosopher would take stock of the many different perspectives about a concept and determine which of those provides the most plausible explanation, a self-lover would take stock of the many different things they have done and thoughts they have had, accept them, and use the fruits of their reflection as a basis to comport themselves in the way that would make them optimally content.
Can you share a specific philosophical reading that inspires you to think of self-love?
The first philosophical reading that ever motivated me to consider the concept of self-love was Rousseau’s Discourse on Inequality. It is interesting how he dissects self-love or self-regard into two types: amour de soi, the drive for self-preservation, and amour propre, an awareness or recognition of the image of oneself in relation to others. I always wondered whether these two come apart so cleanly. I love Rousseau’s work in general: he is up there on my list of favorite thinkers.
What are the challenges you face when thinking of self-love?
I would say that I face two challenges when it comes to self-love: first, I find it hard to balance loving myself with loving others; and second, I frequently visit the ‘blaming myself for my past mis-steps’ department. The first challenge afflicts me because I am an empath, which means that I am incredibly intuitive to other’s emotional states. I often let consideration for myself take the backburner to consideration for others, which has proven time and again to be an unhealthy behavior. The second challenge is self-explanatory: I find it hard to accept and forgive myself for mistakes I make or actions I commit that go against the promotion of my flourishing or wellbeing.
How will you confront these challenges to move towards self-love?
I need to make a couple of changes! The first one would be to hold myself in higher regard so that I can find a balance between loving others and loving myself. The second change would be to accept the actions that have led me to my current circumstances, dreary or unsavory as they may be in any case, forgive myself for them, and use my knowledge to push myself to make better more self-fulfilling choices in the future.
How can considering self-love promote a healthy sense of well-being with the work and life balance in mind?
Well, the self-lover can assess whether the current distribution of their priorities has fulfilled their wish to promote their wellbeing and flourishment and determine whether it needs changing. For example, if somebody works night and day, leaving little time to spend with their loved ones or do things that make them feel happy and healthy, and furthermore that they realize that their current way of life does not make them feel fulfilled or content, they are not making choices or living in a way that best promotes their wellbeing or flourishing, and thus they must make modifications out of love for themselves. All in all, the proper balance is that which allows one to live comfortably, and by ‘comfortably’ I mean in a state in which they can experience and enjoy the things that make them content, effectively promoting their wellbeing and flourishment. What this looks like varies on a case-by-case basis, for one can find maximal fulfillment by working all the time, and likewise, one can find maximal fulfillment in not working at all. It all depends on what makes the individual feel fulfilled.
How can academia as a whole encourage self-love practices?
This is a tough question! I’d say that academia can encourage self-love practices by encouraging a more open atmosphere that allows for a variety of areas of interest. Rarely do academics get the opportunity to fully immerse themselves in that which truly interests them and gives value to their intellectual pursuits because they are either formally restricted, for instance by requirement of a curriculum, or societally restricted, as in the case of taboo topics. This creates a kind of disconnect between one’s academic life, their professional life, and their personal interests, which I think can leave them feeling disenchanted with academia.
This interview series of the APA Blog is designed to share insights of fellow philosophers about self-love with work/life balance in mind. We’d love for you to be a part of this interview series. If you are interested in being featured, please email sabrinamisirhiralall@apaonline.org.
Dr. Sabrina D. MisirHiralall is an editor at the Blog of the APA who currently teaches philosophy, religion, and education courses solely online for Montclair State University, Three Rivers Community College, and St. John’s University.
