This edition of the Recently Published Book Spotlight is about Aaron Ben-Ze’ev’s book The Arc of Love. Aaron is Professor of Philosophy at the University of Haifa, where he has served as Rector (2000-2004) and President (2004-2012). He is considered one of the world’s leading experts in the study of emotions. Major books: The Subtlety of Emotions(MIT, 2000), Love Online(Cambridge, 2004), In The Name of Love (Oxford, 2008); The Arc of Love (Chicago, 2019).
What is your work about?
This book examines the central issue of how to make love stay over time. The book is about long-term romantic love and how we go about developing it—or fail to do so. It is about building the foundations for this love and dealing with the difficulties that inevitably emerge in such a challenging and critical construction project.
The book is not about a particular theory of love, or a specific philosophical view. It is about a central issue in understanding enduring profound love. It provides conceptual tools for this task. Some of these tools have been used by philosophers and psychologists, and some are original. The combination of these tools with the extensive information about relevant empirical studies, provides a persuasive presentation of the nature of romantic love and the circumstances in which it can turn into enduring one.
Describe the challenge of making love stay. Are there different ways people lose their love, and if so, which are the most common?
There are two related reasons underlying the current challenge of making love stay: one is psychological, and the other is sociological. With respect to the former – emotions are generated when we perceive a change in our situation. As we know, change is essentially brief in duration. The latter refers to the current abundance of romantic options, which places people in the position of endless choice, thereby hindering their ability to establish profound long-term love. These difficulties are compounded when we assume that enduring love should be as intense as fresh love. It is easy to become frustrated with our current relation when we are unaware of these considerations.
How does it fit in with your larger research project?
My major research interest is philosophy of psychology, and in particular the study of emotions and moral psychology. In the past 15 years, my focus has been on romantic love.
How do you relate your work to other well-known philosophies?
My main influence is Aristotle—my view can be (humbly) characterized as an Aristotelian view. I have been also influenced by Spinoza. Among current philosophers, I am heavily indebted to Stephen Toulmin (my dissertation supervisor at the University of Chicago), Michael Strauss, Martha Nussbaum, Angelika Krebs, Robert Solomon, and Ronnie de Sousa.
What directions would you like to take your work in the future?
I will probably write my next book on the issue of the suitability (or compatibility) scale in romantic love. I discuss this issue in some detail in my new book, but there is still much work to be done in order to fully understand the processes underlying the magic romantic bond.
Which of your insights or conclusions do you find most exciting?
The book casts doubt on prevailing popular attempts to make love as fresh as it was at its very beginning. When freshness is foremost, we are setting ourselves up to lose the battle for long-lasting profound love before the war has begun, as there will always be fresher and tastier occasional romantic affairs than the present one. The abundance these days of romantic and sexual options facilitates finding love, but obstructs keeping it for a long time. However, the need for love does not disappear among young people as well as people in their later life, or when love is mature.
The distinction between romantic intensity and profundity is crucial for understanding the feasibility of enduring love. Romantic intensity is a snapshot of a momentary peak of passionate, often sexual, desire. Romantic profundity goes beyond mere romantic intensity and refers to the lover’s broader and more enduring attitude. Intensity is reduced with time, profundity increases. Underlying romantic intensity is external change; underlying romantic profundity is an intrinsic change in the form of development and growth. Intrinsic development enables long-term love.
These arguments allow me to hold my central claim that emotions typically occur when we perceive significant positive or negative changes in our personal situation, and, at the same time, to affirm the existence of enduring emotions, such as romantic love and grief.
How have readers responded?
The reaction to the book is very positive. Thus, within the first month of publication, contracts for translating the book into Chinese, Korean, and Hebrew have been signed. Many ideas in the book were first presented in my blog on love in Psychology Today. The blog is quite popular, receiving over 1,000,000 views every three months.
How is your work relevant to the contemporary world?
My work is highly relevant to everyday life in the contemporary world. in our throwaway and restless society, it is hard to achieve enduring, stable, profound love. There is no rest for lovers, and not because the road of love on which they are traveling is not good; it might be a bit boring, but it is still a valuable road— probably one of the best in the history of humanity. Yet the novel road not taken is seen to be more attractive, and there appear to be many roads from which to choose.
The great popularity of my articles in Psychology Today is one indication of this. Thus, the book discusses issues such as How to find The One, Love and marriage, Love at first sight, Love in later life, Romantic compromises, Romantic commitment, polyamory, choosing a partner, online dating, romantic belonging, the conflict between love and life, infidelity, when to say “I love you,” what singles really want, and online, as well as distant, relations.
What effect do you hope your work will have?
The book takes an optimistic perspective. Not only is enduring, profound love possible; it is also more common than most of us think. Yet the romantic road is often bumpy and long. Enticing romances encounter many blind alleys. How is the would-be lover to know when such romances are promenades for flourishing love and when they are dead-end streets?
The book provides some helpful signposts along the “freeway of love.” Love is not all you need; but if you have enough of what you need, and love infuses life with joy, your life is more likely to be, as the classic song has it, a many-splendored thing.
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The purpose of the Recently Published Book Spotlight is to disseminate information about new scholarship to the field, explore the motivations for authors’ projects, and discuss the potential implications of the books. Our goal is to cover research from a broad array of philosophical areas and perspectives, reflecting the variety of work being done by APA members. If you have a suggestion for the series, please contact us here.
